I was in my village to enjoy my cousin’s marriage, but the enjoyment lasted only for two days. On the third day, I decided to leave the village without informing my relatives.

Tears streamed down my eyes as I sat on the last seat of the bus, with my head cast down, hidden under the veil of my dupatta.

I had been so happy last night, lazing around after a hectic marriage ceremony when Aji, my grandma, had come to my room.

She sat next to me and said, “Baby, I have something to talk to you about.”

Hearing the seriousness in her voice, I bit at my lower lip in tension, and sat up straight and asked, “What is it, Aji?”

“Baby, when are you going back?” asked Grandma.

“I have to join back next Monday,” I replied.

“Hmm,” replied Grandma nodding her head and added, “In that case, we want you to resign from your job and return to stay here.”

‘How can she ask me to resign, just like that?’

I could feel my eyebrows arch up as I confirmed, “Uh, what?”

“Seema,” started Grandma, giving me a feeling of impending gloom. “You are now twenty-four years old. It is high time you marry and settle down.”

“Huh?” I felt lost.

She avoided my eyes as she instructed me in an expressionless voice, “We let you do an MBA as you wished to and we also let you work for a year. But it is time to put aside all that and return. Women get respect in society only if they get married.”

She stopped for a second and then continued with a sigh, “And if you don’t marry now, it might be too late to find a good groom. Education is good for boasting in the community, but it is the skills in the kitchen and household which hold value.”

My throat went dry at her words as I stammered my reluctance, “B-but I don’t want to get married right now…”

“Don’t speak like that, Baby,” said Grandma. “You cannot live alone in a big city on your own for so long. People will talk behind our back, and then it may be too late for us to repent.”

“What do you mean?” I questioned, feeling uneasy.

She didn’t acknowledge my question, and instead, continued with her instruction, “During your cousin’s wedding, we received a proposal for you, and your Uncle Mithun accepted it right away!”

As her words sunk in, a strange sense of nervousness twisted my insides. I wasn’t ready for this! I had worked so hard to reach where I was. How could I just give it all up for marriage?

“When you came to live with us, I was afraid you would not be able to adjust with village life. But your parents had groomed you well. You not only adjusted in our life but also grew up into such a wonderful girl! Your Uncle and I just want to fulfil our last responsibility towards you and see you settled down,” explained Grandma. “The boy is from a well-to-do family. He will take good care of you and keep you happy.”

“No matter how good he is, I won’t marry him,” I mumbled out in a pitiful voice. “I have a dream Aji. I want to fulfil it. And this job is my stepping stone towards my dream. I can’t give up my job or my life in Mumbai and follow anyone who wants to marry me!”

“Don’t say that, Baby. You will marry him next month. He will be your companion for life, not the job or the dream you are thinking about,” Grandma calmly refuted my words.

“Did you tell her?” Uncle Mithun’s voice made me turn around and I found him standing at the door.

I opened my mouth to raise my objection, but Grandma held my hand and gently squeezed it as she replied, “Yes, yes. And she is happy with whatever we have planned.”

‘What? Wasn’t marriage supposed to be a sacred thing? How can they just fix it for me without my opinion?’

I looked at her baffled, when she said to Uncle, “You sleep, there is nothing to worry about here. Ask your wife to prepare a feast tomorrow. After all, the boy’s family will come to meet our Seema.”

As he went away, Grandma stood up after patting my shoulder, “Marry and then your life will automatically fall in place. You won’t have time to have nightmares!” she added with a smile.

A knot formed in my stomach, thinking of the future she was planning for me. I had lived in the city with my parents until they had died in a car crash. My mother had been an independent woman, and she had married my father for love. We had been one happy family.

This arranged marriage was not within my scope! Moreover, I would have to quit my job for this marriage! How was that possible?!

My aunt’s voice drifted into my ears as she passed by my door. Since she had joined our family, she had always been busy looking after every member. Her life revolved around the household chores, but she never had a say in the important decisions of the family. I had often seen her struggling against her desires for her financial dependence on my Uncle.

I could understand that my mother and my aunt were similar in aspects of giving care and affection, but there was an enormous difference between them regarding their freedom and perspective towards life.

Would my life become like her’s?

I wondered imagining my life like my aunt’s, married to a local boy, living in Nanded for the rest of my life… I shook my head violently. I didn’t want this. I wish to lead a life like my mother; even though her life was short, it was a meaningful one.

I shut my eyes to sleep. But within minutes, I opened my eyes wide in horror because of the nightmare I just had.

A loud car crash echoed in my ears. My head hit on the car window and I lost my consciousness. When I had opened my eyes, I saw I was being taken out of the car by strangers from the backseat. I looked around after regaining consciousness and searched for my parents.

My eyes automatically went to the place where I heard people talking and saw my parents lying stuck to the car front panel with blood dripping from their bodies. My knees went numb, and I fell down on the ground. I was in a disillusioned state of mind to understand what actually happened. People helped and called the police. I was taken along with my parents to the hospital.

After a few hours, Uncle Mithun, my father’s younger brother from the village arrived at the hospital. He took me and my parents bodies to the village and arranged for the last rites of my parents.

Why, when and what happened? I had no clue. It was as if someone turned off a switch and brought my life to a grinding halt.

I became an orphan. Never in my whole life did I miss my parents so much. It took me several months to overcome the shock, but I could never come out of the incident of watching my parents die in front of my eyes.

Even today, I am scared to shut my eyes at night. The scene of the car crash is as fresh as ever and makes my heart writhe in pain…

I wiped my face and looked in the mirror. It has been more than ten years now. Time had moved on and so had the life of everyone around me, but my heart was still in pain…

As per my Uncle’s wish, it was time for me to get married, but should I? If my parents would have been alive, would they have also wished the same as Uncle and Aji?

I sat on the bed, thinking a lot about it.

No! They would have preferred me to continue with my job and marry the one I love, whenever it happened.

The next day, I behaved as was expected of me. I met with the groom and his family. And when night fell, I picked up by bag and left for the bus stop.

I made up my mind, whatever happened, I would not return. I would not look back! I would lead the life my parents would have wanted! I would live my dream!

I was determined, yet these tears refused to stop. I sobbed relentlessly all the way to my home in Mumbai.